LIFE IS A TRAIN OF MOODS LIKE A STRING OF BEADS
RALPH WALDO EMERSON
Most of us label emotions: "happy, sad, angry, surprised." Part of our daily landscape, we throw them out casually, or with high intensity in our relationships with others. We also catagorize them into two polar extremes: positive or negative. For example, "joy" is seen as positive; "anger" as negative. When your four-year-old says: "Mommy, I hate you," you think "negative." When she/he says:"Mommy, I love you" your heart leaps and you think "positive." Yet, all emotions are now known to be adaptive, each has a reason-to-be. Adaptive, they each are there for one purpose: for you, for us, to survive. As such, they are all truly positive. For example,"anger," one of the so-called "negatives" can motivate you to work harder towards a goal- to get what you want. Likewise, fear may induce you to avoid something, someone, potentially dangerous. Even sadness plays a major role- tending to elicit support from others when you've experienced loss. Love, the most"positive" one widely heralded moves you to commitment/atachment. Children most naturally express this in their attachments: if parents were warm and available, they grow up to become adults who are more likely to initiate friendly, warm, interactions with others; the reverse is also true. Thus, all emotions were created in human beings as adaptive mechanisms to keep us alive, to serve a purpose and to help you fulfill whatever it is you were put here on earth to do. So, the next time you experience a "negative" emotion, listen to it- hear what it's trying to tell you- and do what needs to be done. It's there for a reason. It's there for the good of YOU.
Marcella Bakur Weiner, Ph.D.
(Note: I'll be grateful for your comments and happy to respond. And will do so as quickly as possible. Thank you. Plug in next week for another writing.)
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2 comments:
How true! I really like what you say about negative emotions. We are usually so afraid of them. In England, we are beset with the whole stiff upper lip culture. I have no evidence, but my feelings are that this is as bad for the heart as is over-eating and obesity. I would be interested in your thoughts about this. Rowan
Wouldn't it be wonderfult if we could all learn to really feel our emotions. So many people have taught themselves the close themselves off emotionally thinking no one really wants to know; everyone has their own problems. We walk around with a happy face so we don't bother anyone with our problems. You're right, I've never thought of it that way, if you don't show emotions your loved ones won't know what you need and you don't get any support. I guess I, and most people I know need to retrain ourselves to "let it all out" ...maybe just not all the time :)
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