I MISS YOU

I MISS YOU

What do we mean when we say "I miss you?" Words said in any romantic book, movie or reported exchange between two people are usually of the "I love you" variety. Good. Yet, "I miss you" is different. It denotes,for one, that you have "taken in" the person, that they, almost quite literally, live inside of you- are a very neessary part of you and that, without them, you are not whole. I have seen young children, in the street, with a nanny, who, from all I can observe, seems very adequate. The child falls, the caretaker picks her/him up - but the child - cries out: "No. I want my mommy." The substitute is not a replacement for the image we hold within, deeply ensconsed in our soul and, very much quite irreplaceable. A person with the beginnings of AZ (Alzheimer's) whose major symptom is short-term memory loss calls me. She says "I miss you." I know that we have spoken on the phone just a day or two ago- but her "photo-album-image" of me in her brain has faded, and the longings intensified. Always a "feeling" person who related with her heart, she misses what she can no longer latch on to- and it is a loss - a pain to her very being. Romeo and Juliet- Cleopatra and Mark Antony- lovers today and yesterday- we say "I love you" but that is a generalization. We love the paintings in our home, we love the furishings, we love - whatever we own that we chose with care- but do we really miss them when not with them? My husband was ill for a couple of days- minor- a stomach upset and so, he was "not himself"- spent more time in bed than usual- or in the bathroom- also unusual. A bit better,suddenly, he was behind me as I was washing carrots at the sink,preparing dinner. Lifting my hair off the back of my neck, his arms around my waist, he kissed the nape of my neck, gently whispering: "I miss you." Spinning around, i returned this blessing and kissing him, said, "I miss you too." How often do we say this to a loved one?
That is directly related to how much you have "internalzed" them - to begin with. A longing can only take place if its image lies within you. You are the carrier. And, when and if you do, tell him/her that you long for them . You'll be amazed at the payoff. And, ageless, it's lifetime in nature. A soul meeting a soul is a forever thing.
Marcella Bakur Weiner, Ph.d.
Clinical Psychologist/author