LOVE AS GIVING- GIVING AS LOVE

LOVE AS GIVING - GIVING AS LOVE

LOVE HAS BEEN A FOCUS OF HUMAN ATTENTION MORE THAN ANY OTHER EMOTION.A FAVORITE TOPIC FOR NOVELISTS, POETS, PHILSOPHERS AND CLERICS, WE ARE ALL EAGER FOR THE EXPERIENCE OF BEING LOVED. BUT, SOMETIMES, WE SEPARATE IT FROM BEING LOVING, GIVING TO SOMEONE ELSE. YET, IT IS ONLY WITHIN THIS ONE EMOTION, OUT OF THE FIVE PRIMARY ONES; FEAR, ANGER, SADNESS, HAPPINESS, AND LOVE, CAN WE BE GENEROUS WITH THE LAST ONE, LOVE. WHEN WE THINK OF PARENT-CHILD RELATIONSHIPS, OUR UNDERSTANDING EASILY MOVES TO THE IDEA THAT THE PARENT WILL GIVE TO THE CHILD, THE HOPE BEING THAT, IN SO DOING, AS THE PARENT AGES, IT WILL BE RETURNED. BUT, IN HETEROSEXUAL LOVE, BETWEEN A MAN AND A WOMAN, THIS IS NOT ASSUMED; ONE MAY GIVE MORE TO THE OTHER.STILL, GIVING FOR THE PURE SAKE OF GIVING, IS THE MOST TREASURED, AS IN THE COMMANDMENT IN BOTH THE OLD AND NEW TESTAMENT; 'LOVE THY NEIGHBOR AS THYSELF.' WHAT DOES GIVING/LOVE ACTUALLY DO? FOR ONE, IT ESTABLISHES A BOND; A SIMPLE SAYING OF 'I LIKE/LOVE BEING WITH YOU' MAKES YOU FEEL WANTED, RECOGNIZED, UNDERSTOOD, CARED ABOUT. IT ALSO SHOWS YOUR INTENTIONS; 'I WOULD SO WANT TO GIVE YOU THE BIRTHDAY GIFT YOU LONG FOR. JUST TELL ME WHAT IT IS.' WE SAY THIS EASILY TO CHILDREN, BUT HOW OFTEN DO WE SAY THIS TO THE ADULT IN OUR LIFE? EVEN ANIMALS GIVE. IN OUR BOOK "JUNKFOODBEAR," HE LEARNS TO GIVE AFTER JUST FOCUSING ON HIMSELF AND HIS EATING, SPIRITUALLY SPEAKING, A WAY OF ELIMINATING HIS INNER EMPTINESS WHICH IS WHAT OVEREATING IS. LATER, HE LEARNS TO RESPOND TO OTHERS WHO REACH OUT TO HIM, FOR GIVING IS; BEING ABLE TO TAKE AS WELL. IT IS RECIPROCAL. WE ARE ALL BORN WITH THE ABILITIY, THE NEED TO LOVE. LOVE MEANS ATTACHMENT. WE DO NOT LIVE ALONE IN OUR WORLD. CHILDREN ABANDONED DIE WITHOUT A REPLACEMENT OF SOMEONE WHO CARES. ROMANTIC LOVE CARRIES WITHIN THE BASICS OF ATTACHMENT AND CAREGIVING: SEX. BOTH MEN AND WOMEN SEEK THIS,ITS DEGREE ESTABLISHED BY DIFFERING PERSONALITY STYLES, BUT A NECESSITY FOR BOTH. AND SO, GIVE FREELY OF YOURSELF. OUR BEAR DID AND SEE WHAT HE EARNED, IN RETURN; LOVE OF OTHERS, CARING, APPLAUSE. THEY'RE YOURS FOR THE GIVING.

EMOTIONS ARE YOUR SURVIVAL GIFTS

LIFE IS A TRAIN OF MOODS LIKE A STRING OF BEADS
RALPH WALDO EMERSON

Most of us label emotions: "happy, sad, angry, surprised." Part of our daily landscape, we throw them out casually, or with high intensity in our relationships with others. We also catagorize them into two polar extremes: positive or negative. For example, "joy" is seen as positive; "anger" as negative. When your four-year-old says: "Mommy, I hate you," you think "negative." When she/he says:"Mommy, I love you" your heart leaps and you think "positive." Yet, all emotions are now known to be adaptive, each has a reason-to-be. Adaptive, they each are there for one purpose: for you, for us, to survive. As such, they are all truly positive. For example,"anger," one of the so-called "negatives" can motivate you to work harder towards a goal- to get what you want. Likewise, fear may induce you to avoid something, someone, potentially dangerous. Even sadness plays a major role- tending to elicit support from others when you've experienced loss. Love, the most"positive" one widely heralded moves you to commitment/atachment. Children most naturally express this in their attachments: if parents were warm and available, they grow up to become adults who are more likely to initiate friendly, warm, interactions with others; the reverse is also true. Thus, all emotions were created in human beings as adaptive mechanisms to keep us alive, to serve a purpose and to help you fulfill whatever it is you were put here on earth to do. So, the next time you experience a "negative" emotion, listen to it- hear what it's trying to tell you- and do what needs to be done. It's there for a reason. It's there for the good of YOU.
Marcella Bakur Weiner, Ph.D.

(Note: I'll be grateful for your comments and happy to respond. And will do so as quickly as possible. Thank you. Plug in next week for another writing.)

RELATING TO YOUR FOOD

You and your food have a relationship. Yes. And, like all relationships, you can be caring, accepting, welcoming, empathic, or ignoring of "the other." Your body responds accordingly:"Well, if she/he doesn't care,why should I? I'm just doing my job, no more, no less, and just let each part do its thing. feeling that I'm not very important, nothing really special." You and only you can change that. How? You can have a relationship with your food, that substance that keeps you alive, gives you joy and something "to do" - like eating. How to start this "relationship?" First, caring is to eat slowly. Chew each morsel - (sit down for this one) 21 times. So say the experts. It's like being with a close friend and taking them in. That's what you're doing with that which blesses you to wake up each morning and get through the day. Treat it as the sacred "thing" it is. For it is. Welcome it with your heart. Embrace it for, you chose it, soon to be an essential part of you. Concentrate. To do so, taste each morsel without any distractions. Eating alone is the best way. If not, and you must be with others, listen to them but do not, do not, neglect that which is in your mouth and about to be swallowed. Take the journey with that one piece and follow it through - then the next,and on and on. Feel the taste- recognize it: is it sweet, sour, bitter, chewy, smooth? Give it credit for being what it is and that you have been blessed with a variety. Know that you have a balanced meal if each piece of food on your plate is of a different color- one green, one orange, one yellow- a rainbow. Now, you're eating healthy. More than that- you're aware. YOU AND YOUR FOOD ARE IN A RELATIONSHIP. CONGRATULATIONS. HERE'S TO A HEALTHY, LONG LIFE. (And see my next blogs weekly. Thanks for listening. Dr. Marcella Bakur Weiner